Cook your thoughts
I find it relaxing if someone else’s home is also messy. Of course, I know that it's nice to start the week without the stress of taking half an hour to find the pair of that purple glove (because the other five pairs don't go well with Monday's mood). I also try to get it together on Sunday evening. I usually plan our next week, put up the Monday schedule and write down my to-dos in my planner. I published a video about this, earlier this week. It's the first episode of a new series. Every week I'll bring you a topic in less than ten minutes, related to schedule cards, planning, time management, and living together with autistic kids.
I share these on Instagram (IGTV) and Facebook. I invite you to chat in the comments! Share your thoughts and experience, maybe it'll give others new ideas or strength. Because we also need the latter sometimes.
Aron went totally nuts before dinner on Thursday. Sometimes it happens that hunger makes him feel extremely angry. Still, on that evening it was so sudden and without any warning signs, that I could only stand there blinking. I was working hard throughout the whole year to stay patient in these situations. I don't always succeed, but I started to notice that practicing pays off. I could manage to remain calm, and we had solved the situation quite quickly. We wouldn't be able to do this a couple of years ago. Partly because Aron was less mature, but also because I didn't know what I know now. That ALL behaviour is communication, and our dear autistic kids are more likely to use this technique to communicate. And I could only sense that he didn't want to ground my nerves, he only had a hard time, and he couldn't put it into words. His grandiloquent language skills (pun intended) are useless when the body takes the wheel, or a social situation is new and scary. So when meltdowns are knocking on the door, I armor myself with these thoughts. I try to be extraordinarily emphatic and more loving than I was in his first minute of existence. And it's NOT easy. But it works! After dinner, he came to me, hugged me and sat in my lap while he was telling me a story.
Then after going to bed, Hanna had started a forty-minute-long meltdown because of something she couldn't let go, even if I stayed very zen. When she stopped, and we could finally begin the bedtime, I was thinking about having a glass of wine when I got out of her room. I felt like a package of grounded meat, and I couldn't think of anything else, even if we only drink alcohol about twice a year. She fell asleep, I came out. "Ahh, I won't drink. I don't want to have a squeezed brain tomorrow morning. I'll read a book I took from the library instead". After peeing, I looked in the mirror and almost started to feel sorry for myself when I suddenly realised something. I realised that I did great. I could hold myself back, despite the bubbling feeling of powerlessness. And I smiled. I felt that after eleven months of continuous learning-failing-succeeding-failing-learning, I levelled up, and I can notice even the smallest victory, all by myself.
I started reading the book. After a while, I found a quote in it that I wanted to share with others. Took my phone, and the first picture on Instagram was a big bowl of steamy soup. Forgetting everything I was about to do, I started cooking a soup at 10:15 PM, from anything I could find at home.
As I was standing above the hot liquid that started to smell divinely in a short time, I felt like this was magic. That with some raw carrots, a few celery stalks, one tomato and a single potato you can conjure (if you also have garlic). That there's no secret ingredient (except garlic), only the given things, your creativity and your devotion. Your longing for soup. If we'd really like to achieve something, we will succeed. If we have a special needs kid, a ripped nervous system, and we're longing for a smoother ride, we will achieve that. We will use extraordinary powers for those special needs: we will give our soul and heart, the garlic cloves of love. And we'll slowly realise that we only have to cook our thoughts. We have to soften them, so they are easier to handle, and they can heat us up. Because when we try them raw, we won't warm up, and we will not be able to warm anyone else up either.
What do you think? Do I love garlic?
Have a warm and soft week!